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Holiday Douches… The First Three

First and foremost, a gigantian “Thank You” to those who made the effort and donated some goods this weekend during our 18th annual “Stuff-The-Truck” at the Woodmen-Academy King Soopers. Together, we easily raised over 10,000lbs of food which will be distributed by the Salvation Army helping local families during the holiday season and beyond… Again, “Thanks”.

Now for the “Douche Awards”.

First up, is the female who walked by with her thumb down booing. ???. I placed my thumb down and boo’d her face.

Next is the male who wanted to know why we were taking up 4 parking spaces. Seriously? The Salvation Army truck full of food donations isn’t a good enough explanation? And to be fair, we were only taking up 3 spaces. Douche.

The “Biggest” douche though was actually 2 douches who are professional douches. Mr. & Mrs Douche. Mr. and Mrs. Douche have been around for some time. They spend their free time mooching free stuff from us and others. It starts with Mr. Douche. He appears first. He’ll walk up and scope out what’s being given-away. After some back-and-forth, he either gets something or doesn’t depending on the mood. 9 out of 10 he scores just to speed up the departure. I know better though. Mrs. Douche always follows. Occasionally, they have their teenage son with them and make him mooch as well. In the last year alone, I can confidently guesstimate that collectively they’ve mooched a minimum of 20 cd’s, 20 pairs of tickets to various events (concerts/monster trucks/etc.) and have managed to accumulate a closet full of KILO t-shirts.

Saturday afternoon, Mr. Douche walks over and donates a couple of cans to the cause. Cool. Appreciate it… Nice to see give-back at any level when it involves charity.

“You giving those shirts away?” pointing to the Salvation Army shirts on the table.

“What about those?” pointing to the KILO shirts.

“One of the $9.43 pre-made donation bags scores one.” is my standard answer.

He returns with Mrs. Douche. “You said a can of food would get a t-shirt on the air”. “I’m sorry but it’s actually a donation bag that gets you a shirt”.

The back and forth begins.

The short is Mr. & Mrs. Douche were not ready to give… they prefer to take. They ended up walking away to mooch somewhere else. Douches.

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